Yes = No & Counting Requests
When Yes Means No
WHY do we say yes to people, but resent them when they expect to follow through?
The short answer is: we have conflicting desires, but not a strategy to reconcile them.
On one hand, we want people to know we have very clear boundaries.
On the other hand, we don’t want to disappoint them by saying no.
So we say yes hoping they’ll hear no, and resent them for believing the answer we gave.
The most frustrating part is: we can watch ourselves do this, but still feel unable to stop.
Counting The Requests
When people are stacking demands on us, why do we fall short of saying no…. but resent them anyway?
It all stems from an inner conflict we don’t know how to resolve.
On one hand, we want our boundaries to be respected.
On the other hand, if we say no out loud they could dismiss or question us.
So we don’t say no, but we do start their requests as PROOF they don’t respect us.
This mounting proof in our mind, without any change in the external situation, builds resentment.
And because these unresolved conflicting desires are so powerful, we watch ourselves do this… and still feel like we can’t finally speak up.
We want peace.
So we avoid conflict.
Then we resent always giving in.
But we feel guilty for having resentment.
So we keep giving in.
