Resentment Assessment
The following questions will help you to tell where you are, what the costs are, and whether these costs are likely to continue.
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Was something done that you feel is not right?
Do you believe there is someone responsible?
Do your thoughts spontaneously return to the injustice you perceive?
Do you believe that trying to address the issue directly is impossible or not worth it?
If you answered yes to all 4 questions, you are likely experiencing resentment.
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Keeping track of past injustices and potential threats can interrupt your peace of mind, physical ease, and sleep. Do you ever feel trapped in ongoing states of tension and stress that you don’t want to feel anymore?
The experience of not being able to trust particular people can make you feel a similar way toward others, even before you get to know them. Do you ever feel lonely, but like it would be impossible or not worth trying to find the connections you still want sometimes?
Waiting for justice can put your life on hold until it arrives. Do you ever get tired of waiting on others to change, and wish you could move freely and do things you enjoy?
The experience of betrayal made what you used to want seem harmful, fake, or worthless. Do you ever find it difficult to identify what you do want, rather than focusing mostly what you do NOT want?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are likely paying a cost for your resentment.
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Do you believe that letting go of resentment is the same as condoning what was done?
Would letting go of resentment feel like a loss of safety, sanity, or dignity?
Does it seem like ongoing resentment is not making justice, repair, or resolution more likely?
If you answered yes to question 3, and yes to either of the first two, your resentment is likely to continue, along with the costs.
Resentment Maps
If resentment is costing you but not resolving on its own, the problem is no longer only what happened.
The problem is also the cycle you are now inside.
The maps below offer a more in-depth view of how resentment is experienced, and how it works.
That understanding can become a turning point: instead of reacting from inside the cycle, you can begin to see the cycle clearly enough to choose your next step.
Personalized Assessment & Plan
I offer a two-session assessment and plan. First, we take a closer look at your situation. Then I will map out possible next steps.